


I, the one that you lost

by bunnnyyymyeon



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, Forgive Me, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Light Angst, Marriage, Miscarriage, Please Don't Hate Me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24236284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnnyyymyeon/pseuds/bunnnyyymyeon
Summary: I'm becoming more and more sorry, looking at you with these kinds of feelings. Eyes looking at each other. One pair of remaining eyes, eyes that have lost it's way - EXO, What IfSehun begged, for him. For his loved one. And he wishes all his prayers will be answered.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	I, the one that you lost

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone I'm backkkk! So this time, hmmm I decided to write something a bit, too angsty? Okay kidding, this work is not that angsty. But dont blame me if something happen afterwards, okay? *cue to take tissue*
> 
> This work was in draft for so long cuz I'm not confident of posting it *laugh awkwardly* But I decided to post it. Phew, I dont know from where I got that bravery. Anyway, enjoy, and dont forget to leave kudos and comments! Am waiting for it *wink wink*
> 
> And to Sya and Emira, thanks again for beta-ing and giving feedbacks for this. I LOVE YOU 3000 *group hug*

\---

9th April, 2100 hrs.

Sehun prayed hard. He prayed with his utmost conviction that the one above will hear his plead, his cry. His wishes. For him. For the one that he loved. He prayed, earnestly.

It was a rainy day. Cold and wet. This flowery road looks sad to him somehow. Is it the falling petals from cherry blossom trees along with the rain making it more melancholic? Or it is just him? Sehun was in the middle of the road, water puddling near him, staining red, and he was watching the sky with rain poured on him. He let out his ragged breath slowly, still continued to pray, looking at his car near the ramp, almost going down. In a few minutes. Or sooner than that. He pleaded to Heaven, hoping it all will be fine. Among all his prayers today, he hoped Heaven would grant them all. 

"Please, please save him." He saw someone walking towards him, and Sehun raised his right hand to point to his car. Though he resisted in closing his eyes, he finally shut his eyes, he no longer had energy to resist his droopy eyes. His hands dropped onto the road, and the rain poured even more.

\--

15th April, 0600 hrs.

Sehun entered the room, slowly. On the bed now is the person that he loved the most, aside from his dogs and his parents. He looked awful, Sehun thought. Swollen cheeks, chapped lips, bruised arms and legs, intubated.

"I'm so sorry, my love. This is all my fault."

He then went beside the bed, sitting on the small chair, listening to the steady sound from the monitor. Sehun clasped his hands together, letting out soft sobs. He carefully traced his fingers on the man's face, as to remember it. To remember every single detail of the bedridden man. Sehun then held the man's right hand in both his hands, taking all the warmth there.

"Jun, wake up will you?" Sehun choked on his tears.

He looked at the man, feeling guilty. It was all his fault. If only he listened to the whole explanation, if only he stopped his car during the argument, if only..

"Jun, can you hear me? Wake up, please? I love you, my love. Wake up, please" Sehun sobbed.

"Jun, I know you hear me. Wake up. Then we will see cherry blossoms once again, playing with Byul and Vivi. I planned to adopt Monsieur. We will get a new baby! Wake up, will you?" Sehun said, then bursting into tears again.

He hoped his prayer would be answered.

\--

30th April, 1200 hrs.

Today is a good day. Sehun cried a bit, he never realised the tears rolling down his cheeks. Sehun smiled. After so many nights that Sehun thought they would be endless, he finally woke up. There is nothing better than him waking up. Nothing. That was all Sehun wanted, truly. Doctor said it was a miracle, and Sehun thanked Heaven a lot.

His first prayer has been answered. The prayer for Junmyeon to wake up.

Junmyeon was sitting still on the bed, looking at the fallen cherry blossoms outside the window while his mom packed his clothes. Sehun was standing outside of the room, watching Junmyeon from afar. Both of them have this favourite of watching cherry blossoms. It was almost like an addiction. Sehun is glad Junmyeon still loves the same thing.

"Junmyeon, it's time. Let's go."

Junmyeon nodded, and then went out of the room with his mom.

"Today is a good day, isn't it Jun?" Sehun said from afar, while Junmyeon walked away with his mom.

Sehun followed behind.

Junmyeon unknowingly put his hand over his stomach, letting out a grunt whenever he walked. Sehun felt worried. He rushed to go to Junmyeon when a man stopped him. Lay. Lay stopped him.

Sehun looked at the man. Lay shook his head. Sehun sighed, plopped on the floor. Bursting into tears.

Junmyeon no longer remembered him. He lost his husband. He lost his baby. And it all hit him hard.

Sehun felt a pang on his heart.

"Lay, he doesn’t remember me, right?" Sehun asked the man standing beside him, nodding afterwards.

Sehun continued crying.

His second prayer has been answered too. The prayer of Junmyeon will forget him.

\--

15 May, 1000 hrs.

Sehun loves summer, he always does, but not as much as he loves spring. Spring is the season where love blooms, and so did Sehun's love. But things are not the same now, Sehun thought. Sehun's love was unknown to the other one, and only Sehun left reminiscing their memories together.

Recently Sehun thought a lot, on what ifs.

What if he didn’t meet Junmyeon on that rainy day when he promised to follow Kyungsoo to the theater?

What if he didn’t woo Junmyeon with all his might when the man rejected him because of his stupid orange hair, and not to forget his efforts of declaring his love on the beach, in the middle of winter and promising that they will be back in summer?

What if he didn't ask Junmyeon to marry him, Sehun on his knees, at the corner of Baekhyun's cafe, beside the window, with an iced americano and one iced latte on the table?

What if he listened to Junmyeon's explanation about Minseok, his colleague who is keen in seducing his husband but Junmyeon remained faithful to him?

What if he didn’t drag Junmyeon for a drive that rainy night?

Seriously, Sehun regretted it. All of it. Junmyeon wouldn’t have to lose 10 years of his memory if he was not with Sehun. But now all of this had happened, no one was to be blamed except Sehun himself.

Sehun saw Junmyeon walking slowly along the beach, watching the kids playing by the water. Sehun smiled, Junmyeon always has a soft spot for kids. And to think they lost it during the accident, Sehun regretted more.

"Junmyeon!" Sehun heard a man called his husband. His ex-husband.

"Oh, here!" Junmyeon waved to the man.

"Are you okay? Feeling good?" the man asked. Junmyeon nodded.

"I felt something. Some kind of attachment when I walked along the beach. Feels like I had promised someone to come here again," Junmyeon said calmly.

The other man nodded.

Sehun turned around, gulping. Junmyeon is happy, with another man. And why is it hard for him?

"The man loves him, as much as I do, right?" Sehun asked the man standing beside him, nodding afterwards.

His third prayer has been answered. The prayer of being with Junmyeon, again. Though from afar.

\--

23th May, 1900 hrs.

Sehun sighed. He needed to leave soon, but leaving Junmyeon is not an easy feat, though the man no longer remembered him. Surprisingly today, Junmyeon went to Baekhyun's cafe.

Sehun can see Baekhyun's puzzled expression the moment Junmyeon entered the cafe, but nevertheless Baekhyun smiled.

"Hi, welcome to Universe Cafe. What can I get for you?" Baekhyun asked, almost cheerful.

"One iced americano and one iced latte," Junmyeon said.

"Can I have your name?"

"Jun. Both for Jun," he replied.

"On its way then," Baekhyun winked. Junmyeon giggled.

Sehun loved when Junmyeon giggled. He looks so soft making him want to protect the man so much. So soft. Adorable. Cute. Fluff. All adjectives that can be used to describe his small husband. Ex-husband now.

Sehun sat at the corner of the cafe, beside the window, watching Junmyeon walk to sit at the table in front of him, facing Sehun.

Sehun gulped, tapping the table almost with the same rhythm of Junmyeon's favourite song.

Junmyeon's eyes finally met Sehun's. Sehun was becoming sorry and more sorry. He traced Junmyeon's face, remembering every feature of his ex-husband. The wide forehead. The plump lips. The high bridge nose. The cute cheeks. All. He felt sorry, looking at the eyes that had lost their way.

Junmyeon smiled. The sweetest smile that he ever gave. Sehun was taken aback, but smiled back eventually.

After Baekhyun called Junmyeon for his coffees, Junmyeon went out of the cafe, not turning back. Sehun let out a bitter laugh.

"He is on his way to meet the man, isn't he?" Sehun asked the man standing beside him, nodding afterwards.

Sehun wiped his teary eyes.

His fourth prayer has been answered. The prayer of seeing Junmyeon smile at him, again.

\--

27th May, 2100 hrs.

It was raining the whole day today. Sehun entered Junmyeon's bedroom slowly, and sat on the bed. He patted Junmyeon's hair. It is almost time, he thought.

The way that he could see a man in black with a weird hat standing at the corner of the room indicated it is the time. The man that is always with him nowadays. Lay. And Lay is always punctual. Sehun sighed. He traced his fingers on Junmyeon's face again, almost like a habit now, and kissed him slowly.

He then walked towards the man in the room, smiling when suddenly Junmyeon bolted up, looking straight at Sehun.

"Today is your last day, isn't it?" Junmyeon asked, faintly. "49th day."

Sehun looked behind, shocked.

"You are leaving now, aren't you?" Junmyeon stood, walking slowly towards Sehun. "Don't leave, please Sehun. Please."

"Jun-"

Junmyeon grabbed Sehun's right hand, pulling it close to his cheek.

"I remember you, you dummy," Junmyeon breaks into tears. "I see you too."

"Oh no, Jun," Sehun closed his mouth.

Heaven didn't grant one of Sehun's wishes.

"It is so difficult to pretend that I don't know you when I see you. It aches me so much that I have to ignore you, every single time. Pretending I'm okay so that you won't worry," Junmyeon sobbed.

"I am glad that you were with me the day I went to the beach and cafe. At least we managed to be together at such important places, for the last time. The beach where you asked me to go out, the cafe where you asked me to marry you. The day when you were not around me, I cried myself to bed, thinking that you will never come back to me. That you had left me. Alone. Forever. And I can't help myself to go to see your tomb. Not now." Junmyeon was shaking, crying with all his heart.

"Oh no Jun, I'm so sorry." Sehun hugged Junmyeon. "I prayed so hard for you to not remember me. I know you can see me, knowing you have a third eye, and I don't want you to remember all the bad things. And me. I don't want you to see me disappear. I am so sorry Jun,'' Sehun kissed Junmyeon's forehead.

Sehun closed his eyes. It seems that his second prayer has not been answered. Junmyeon remembered. All of it.

"Can you not leave? Can you stay? Please" Junmyeon hugged Sehun, tighter.

"You know that I can't, Jun. I don't belong here anymore."

"I love you Oh Sehun, with all my heart. I love you so much," Junmyeon sobbed, even harder. "Please, don’t go. Dont leave me. Bring me with you too."

"Junmyeon, my love," Sehun patted Junmyeon's back, slowly.

"No, please, Sehun please," Junmyeon pleaded. He then turned to the man standing at the corner of the room.

"Please, I'm begging you. Can you let him stay here with me? Please." Junmyeon knelt in front of the man, Lay, rubbing his two hands together, begging.

Lay stood still.

"Jun, hey my love, listen to me," Sehun moved, pulling Junmyeon to face him.

Junmyeon cried even more.

"Shh, Jun, listen to me. Even though I'm not around, I will always be with you in your heart. I love you, really I do. And I'm sorry again. It was all my fault. It was all my foolishness that led to this. Don't blame yourself. Live well. Take care of Byul and Vivi for me."

Sehun can see the man in black moving towards both of them. He nodded to the man, smiling even.

"No no, no, you can't leave me alone. How about Byul? Vivi? Me?" Junmyeon sobbed.

"Everytime you miss me, close your eyes and remember, I will always be in your heart, forever. Bye Jun, I will always love you," Sehun kissed his husband, for one last time.

And Junmyeon opened his eyes, Sehun was not there. Not anymore. Only his kiss left lingering on Junmyeon's lips.

He wailed, for the first time after Sehun's death, and he didn't know how to stop this pain. 49 days have passed, and Junmyeon still cannot accept reality. His husband was gone, forever, from this world. And he was alone. On a rainy night.

\--

27th June, 1000 hrs.

It was a windy day, such a strange day for summer. It was calm, and shady. Again, strange. It should be bright. But not that Sehun cared.

He walked slowly, feeling the breeze touching his skin, playing with pebbles and sands. He could see a man standing still from afar, with a bouquet of flowers in his right hand. Sehun smiled. He then went nearer.

"Sehun," the man said.

Sehun looked at the man.

"Junmyeon didn't remember you. I don't know whether it is a blessing or not, but he can't remember you. Only you," the man said, now wiping his tears.

Sehun smiled. His second prayer has been answered. Finally.

"It's okay Yeollie, finally my prayer has been answered. And I am glad that I'm the only one who remembers."

And of course Chanyeol never hears that, because Sehun no longer belongs in the living world.

He then left his tomb, smiling. Chanyeol is still in front of the tomb, sobbing endlessly.

"Now I can go with ease, finally. Shall we go now, Lay?" Sehun asked.

Lay, the guider nodded. "Let's go Oh Sehun. To the afterworld. For rebirth."

\--

9th April, 2105 hrs.

Sehun froze. He saw himself laying in the middle of the road, blood pooling near him. Hand pointing towards the ramp. He was dead, isn't he? Sehun bitted his lips, shook his head, denying. But then he remembered. Junmyeon. He was together with Junmyeon. He then turned his head, walking to the car. His car that in any minutes will go down the cliff.

"No no no no." Sehun muttered. "Junmyeon!" he called, now running to the car.

"Junmyeon, oh Jun! Jun! Wake up Jun! Jun, don't fall asleep, Junmyeon! Kim Junmyeon!" Sehun screamed, banging his hands onto the car window.

Junmyeon was unconscious inside the car, in the passenger seat. Sehun cried. "Jun, wake up."

"Oh Sehun."

Sehun saw one man standing beside him. Sehun perked up. "Please, please save him. Please." Sehun begged.

Soon, another man came. Holding a card.

"No, please, save him. Please," Sehun begged, crying nonstop.

"Nameless baby. The time of death is 9th April, 9:05PM," the second man said, and then disappeared.

"Baby? A baby? Oh my god I killed him," Sehun sobbed. "I killed our baby Jun, I'm so sorry Jun, I'm so sorry." Sehun tapped the car window in grief. "I'm so sorry, Jun."

"Oh Sehun. The time of death 9th April, 9:06PM," the man said.

"Junmyeon is going to be alive, right? He will live, right? Please tell me that, please."

The man remained unresponsive.

Sehun suddenly heard the ambulance. He plopped on the ground. "Can I ask you something?"

The man tilted his head.

"Can you grant me my prayers?" Sehun said, eyes brimming with tears.

The man stood still. "For 49 days, you will be with me, taking care of all your remaining things in this world. My name is Lay."

"Can you grant them all? Please." Sehun asked, again.

Lay nodded. White lies didn't hurt, right? Perhaps this man's utmost prayer will be heard by Heaven and granted. Lay smiled.


End file.
